My day consists of unpacking, furniture arranging, decorating, cleaning, running errands, and checking Facebook frequently to see what my friends and kids are up to, so I don't feel so disconnected from the people who mean so much to me. It's a weird feeling, being older and starting over. Moving was so much easier mentally and physically when I was younger. I had the illusion of immortality when I was younger. I didn't think when I moved, "this may be the last time I see this person." This time though, I had to acknowledge that was a possibility. The realization that now that I was gone, friends would find someone else to fill my absence. That's as it should be, but it felt more like the end of an era when I moved this time. This moment, these relationships, will never come again. It's also another phase for me as a parent. My kids gave me a good trial run when they both left the country to travel to other places. It made me realize in a very real sense, they were their own people, living their own lives, that no longer included touching base with me on a daily basis. Now that I have moved away, I have to look at their daily lives from a distance, see what they're doing, who they're spending time with, and what experiences they're having that is making them the people they will become.
Min is still doing circus training, only local now. She models for spending money on occasion while also working on her wedding plans. I love this child's eyes!
B is still living the carefree life of an unencumbered, single, twenty-something, staying up late, playing video games, hanging out with his buddies. I'm still waiting for him to grow up. ;-). I love his sense of humor and his quick mind.
I miss them both. I miss my friends, but I'm very busy trying to get the house in order so I can focus on the on-line class I'm doing for the university I left behind, and trying to find other work here, trying to find my new normal and get into a new routine. I'm glad we made this move, took this chance, but it is an eye-opener how different moving is when you're older, as opposed to when you're younger.
4 comments:
Beautiful Words.....
I can feel your trepidation, I guess to find your new normal is best way to put things. Am not so sure that I could handle all the changes that have come in your life. One day at a time. Bonds to places and people sometimes we just don't realize how deep they are. Make those kids call you the phone will still work. To hear their voices, once in a while can sure help.
Love you kido, am looking forward to seeing you even if only a little while.
I was thinking the same thing about your Beautiful daughter. Her eyes are just gorgeous....! I admire you so much for making this kind of MAJOR move.....I know you will get it ALL Together because you always do---but the missing of good friends made where you were living will be hard....I think about the Annual Dinners where you go from one house to another having one course at each home----lovely memories to cherish forever, and maybe you will see some of these treasured friends once again----you never know!
I know I never could make a big move like you at any time in my life. Moving to California was traumatic----I lived in a very nice one bedroom apartment for three years; found my house----MY house---THE House....looking at my life all packed up in boxes was incredibly un-nerving----it made me feel I had no home, even though I found the home of my dreams....Once I was there and some boxes were opened, I was in Heaven! I've been here in this house for 52 years....And still LOVE it even more than ever.
I hope this move is, for you and M. the perfect one! Sending a virtual loaf of bread and a bottle of wine to warm your hearth and as a welcome to your new home!
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. We will adjust, and Min told me today she will come up in Sept. for a visit. :-)
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