I don’t intend anyone to see this. Nobody comes here anymore, not even me. I just need a moment to collect my thoughts and release some of the stress I’ve been under. Even as I write that, I’m telling myself, “it isn’t always all about you.” I know this. Other people are impacted by all this as well.
The troubles began in May, or rather they were a continuation of issues ebbing and flowing for the previous eleven months living with my mother-in-law, her two cats, her constant health crises, the constant never knowing what fresh hell was in store for me each day. Would she have an explosive poo incident smelling up the house and necessitating a massive clean up? Would I be taking my lunch or missing work to take her to her countless doctor appointments because she refused to have a home health aide around to help her with things? Would she be demanding I hang curtains over and over as she changed her mind about whether she wanted the sheers under the drapes or not, and how many panels of sheers? Would I be hanging every picture she owned on every spare piece of wall still available because she liked cluttered walls, floors, tables, and just general chaos? Would she fall and I would have to run out of my online meeting to get her when I heard the crash? How many cups of water or dishes would she drop each day because she could no longer grip things tight enough?
I say all this while acknowledging she was a wonderful mother to her children. She was a nice lady and didn’t mean to be a bother to anyone. Moving in with family is never easy. Giving up your independence is depressing and frustrating. I know she dealt with her own issues in this living situation too.
Then, I planned a trip to Ohio for Mother’s Day weekend. My mom is 91 now, but given our past and her penchant for stirring up drama, my older sister was flying in to be my backup. Before I could get in the car, or my sister get on the plane, my sister broke her arm. She shattered her arm actually lifting a bag of garbage. It wasn’t even heavy. Something was wrong. So instead I drove to NY to be with my sister while the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong. She was diagnosed with bile duct cancer that spread to her liver, and then metastasized to other parts of her body. The cancer had been eating its way through her bones.
While I was in NY, M came home at lunch one day to find her mother collapsed back on her bed slurring and unable to form words. Here was another of the countless ambulance rides to the hospital. She had literally been at death’s door three other times in the past eleven months, so I figured the doctors would figure out what was wrong, give medicine and she’d be back home in no time. Then I got really sick on May 11th while in NY staying with my sister daily at the hospital. My doctor believes it was Covid based on symptoms but I didn’t know that at the time and I didn’t think to take a Covid test.
M called me and asked me to come home. Her mom was really going to die this time. So off I went to drive home, coughing the whole way. While I’m typing this, I am still coughing a month and a half later, but there’s more to this story in a bit. So I get home. M’s mom had an infection that spread throughout her body. They pumped her full of antibiotics and other meds trying to save her, but it was too late. She died May 19th. Family came in from out-of-town. I tried to stay out of the way to avoid giving people what I thought was just a bad cold.
Then once everything was dealt with regarding my mother-in-law’s death, I went, masked, back to NY and the hospital to be with my sister. A week or so later, we had a vacation that was already paid for that we couldn’t cancel or get any money back on. I didn’t want to go, but my sisters and M, plus co-workers were insisting I should go. I did go, but it rained every day except the last day, and I was coughing the whole trip. On the last day, I felt so bad and began running a low fever that medicine couldn’t seem to break. Then I slept for 16 hours in a hotel in Amsterdam, before getting on a plane, masked to come home. Then M got sick. I grabbed a Covid test and it came back positive. We both had Covid. My primary doctor thinks I got Covid May 11, then picked up Covid again in Europe while my immune system was weakened.
I’m just tired, mentally exhausted and now my daughter’s mental health issues are draining me. I’ ready for the universe to give me a break, all while knowing my sister is dealing with so much more stress and my daughter is living through her own issues. So there’s my vent.
No comments:
Post a Comment