Thursday, August 12, 2010

Another Day....

Do you ever wonder about the greater scheme of things? I do often, mostly because I feel like I'm either missing something or I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something, I just don't know what it is. Every day I get up, have breakfast, do some work, have lunch, do some work, have dinner and maybe hang out with friends, watch t.v. or do things around the house. Throw in the trip here or there, the concerts, movies, or parties and life pretty much goes on in a relatively similar fashion. I'm not complaining. I feel very fortunate that my life is so good, it wasn't always. Which is what gets me thinking about the greater scheme of things.

I have to wonder, what is the point of this? What am I supposed to be gaining, learning, doing during this phase of my life? When life was bad, the various times that it was, I remember questioning God, the Universe, myself, "why?" "Why me?" "Am I being punished, is there something I'm supposed to learn from this?" So if in my darkest times I felt justified in questioning and in wondering, then so too shouldn't I do the same in the good times? Were my times of suffering meant to give me a background, compassion, knowledge for how to help others? Now that times are good, should I give back? I feel like I'm resting on my laurels and that I have no right to. There are people out there with less, in pain, lost, do I have what it takes to reach out and give back? Would it be too hard dealing with people in the midst of their pain, causing me pain in the memories? I know I don't have the disposition to counsel people, and I don't have the patience to deal with people sucked so far down in their misery that they either cannot or will not try to help themselves. Yet I can't help thinking I'm supposed to be doing something. It's like an idea niggling at the back of your memory, a word on the tip of your tongue. I can't quite see what it is I'm supposed to be doing, I just know there's something. I feel antsy, like I'm late for an appointment. I feel like what I'm supposed to do isn't the standard volunteer, donate type of thing. I'll figure it out eventually, just wondered if anyone else feels pulled toward "something."

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UPDATE: So just when I think I'm coming to some resolution, "let it come to me, do something for myself, etc." the very first story I see on the CNN website is this headline: "Scotsman Magnus MacFarlane-Barrow was at his local pub when he decided to get off his barstool and help needy people. Today, he feeds more than 400,000 children globally every day through his nonprofit, Mary's Meals." You see the pressure I'm under? Was this the Universe's input on our little discussion today?

14 comments:

KrisD said...

I feel the same way. Although I haven't had any truly bad times in the past, I still have the feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something. I just can't seem to figure out what that something is.

Vancouver Voyeur said...

Hi Kris, I just left a long comment, so of course, Blogger ate it and now I don't have the will to type all that again. Needless to say, long time no see! Have the little ones been keeping you busy? I'm glad I'm not the only one who believes they should be doing something with all this good fortune. People are struggling, starving, dying around the world and people are suffering in this country too. It seems indecent not to reach out to help alleviate some of the suffering. I do donate and volunteer, but it's not a daily occurrence. I think I should be doing more, yet every thing I think of doesn't seem the right fit for me.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes think that when we stop looking and let things happen. We end up in the right place at the right time for someone else who crosses our paths. Be it with experience, or wisdom or just moral support. Who knows, sometimes it takes years if ever to see what effect we have had on others. But we do and do not even see it. Because of my unconventional upbringing, others touched my life along the way, maybe just a glimpse of what it’s like to not have all of the drama my family, was consumed with day in and day out. And know that those folks never knew that a simple act of kindness has stayed with me all of my life. Have made it a goal of mine to either tell some of these people Thank You, some of these people have already passed, so make it a point of telling their children Thank You and make sure they know what their parents did or meant to me. Believe in the Pay it Forward theory. K, also think that we get soo busy doing for others that we forget to do something for ourselves. I personally have trouble with that, others around me that I love need me more. So do not beat yourself up. Take one day at a time, maybe it's just time for YOU, time that you should be taking to Rest, Read, Relax. It’s also been years for you to even think about this, maybe it will take years of R&R&R.
LY
P

Vancouver Voyeur said...

Hi Pat, thanks for the wisdom of experience. Yeah, maybe seeking it out is why I haven't found the right thing and need it to come in its own time, we'll see. I was thinking last night, what do I love to do that could be of use to someone? You know I'm a freak of nature and love to clean. Years ago in AR I cleaned house for an elderly lady who couldn't do it herself. It wasn't about getting paid, it was giving her company and helping her out. Her name was Wanda, she was a hoot! She shared stories of her life with me and I'd bring her Pringles and Dr. Pepper (her favorites). I would clean and we would talk. I miss her. She died around 1999.

Anonymous said...

Now that's the kind of thing was talking about. There are a lot of folks that would never dream of doing something like that for someone else. Thanks for being her friend, and you have never forgotten her. One of the reasons Aunt Joan and I got so close was because she was that kind of a person also. A "Cleaning NUT" :) Just kidding about the NUT part. However that’s kind of stuff, she would do for others, it brought her as well as them joy and meaning, something to look forward to. Life always changes, and we have to keep changing with it. With a smile sometimes like it or not. LISTEN TO ME HA.

KrisD said...

Hi K, we are doing well, the kids are growing like weeds. Q just turned 2, and M will turn 5 in a few weeks. It has been too long, we need to change that. Pat, I don't know you, but you are wise. I do believe that sometimes we are so busy trying looking for something that we miss so much more. I just sometimes wish that what we need to see would have big neon signs so we would know which way to go!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I think that trying to figure out what it is you are "supposed" to be doing, gets in the way sometimes of it jusy coming to you when you are not trying to figure it out. It's almost a philisophical question, too....Maybe you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing right now and don't realize it?
Living your BEST life.....is, I think, just living and enjoying as much as you can, and giving a helping hand to people who need it.
I know that sounds very simplistic, but maybe the 'simpl' is actually the most profound.

Vancouver Voyeur said...

Thanks OL, I'm getting the benefit of a lot of people's wisdom today. It made me stop and think about something. For more than 20 years I've been focused on doing for others, now, just when I can focus on me, I immediately turn and look for someone else to help, rather than myself. I wonder why I avoid giving to myself as generously as I give to others? Not worthy? Something else? Much to think about.

Anonymous said...

There think OL, puts it very well. OK K stop thinking...And as Magnus says every small act of kindness does make a difference.
p

Anonymous said...

One more thing, just watched a movies trailer for a new movie. "Eat Pray Love" with Julia Roberts, from the review I heard, sounds like a movie regarding pretty much same topic, as we have been discussing today. It is based on a book by Author Elizabeth Gilbert.
Looks like a good movie.
p

Vancouver Voyeur said...

P, yeah, I think I'm going to see that movie when it comes here.

tweetey30 said...

i feel that way all the time. Jeff and I hand out money once in a while but feels like its not enough.. We are struggling but we always find a way to help others and sometimes we get pooped on and sometimes we dont.. lol.. just go with the flow and see where life is taking you my friend.

Vancouver Voyeur said...

Thanks Tweets. I read somewhere that the poorest people give the most money, gifts, time in relation to what they have, i.e. more than the wealthy.

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